There are times in life when someone we love becomes someone we barely recognize. While the person is still physically with us, psychologically they are gone. There are many ranges of reasons this can happen. Some of the most common are addiction, dementia, traumatic brain injuries, mental disorders, & response to severe psychological trauma.
If you have never experienced loving someone who is in such a situation, this can be difficult to understand. The individual you love is still here, perhaps sometimes they ‘look’ sick, or more likely most of the time they don’t. But regardless of how they 'look', they do things they would never have done, they say things they would never have said, treat you in ways they never would have treated you, & they are not there for you in ways that they perhaps previously were. This is feeling is called “ambiguous grief” or “ambiguous loss”.
Hopefully for many, this may sound abstract, but when it occurs in your life it is concrete and real. Your mom, who always loved and supported you, no longer recognizes you, understand you or says hurtful things. You husband, who was always kind and considerate, is now quick to anger and stealing to support an addiction. Your son, who was brilliant and driven, is now struggling within the captivation of his own mind's delusions & hallucinations.
None of these things change our love for the person – we still love our mom with dementia, our husband with an alcohol addiction, our son with schizophrenia. However, this continued love doesn’t change how deeply we miss the person they used to be, or truly the person we lost. We feel we no longer have the same relationship with that person. Perhaps our marriage no longer feels like a marriage when one spouse can no longer remember the other. The parent-child relationship no longer feels the same when a parent has to stop protecting, trusting, or helping a child in the same way due to addiction or mental illness. Though we still have a relationship with the person it has radically changed and we grieve the relationship we used to have.
Our ‘ambiguous grief’ may present itself in the feelings of sadness and yearning, anger and guilt, or a vast array of other emotions. These emotions can become even more complicated than the grief that comes after a death when the behaviors and words of the ‘new’ person gives us pause and causes us to question our own old memories. Or worse, the emotions can start to infiltrate our neurobiology as those old memories begin to fade. The most common complication of ambiguous grief is that many people don’t recognize it as grief. When those around us don’t acknowledge our grief, or make us feel that we have permission to grieve this loss, it can make one feel lonely and isolated. Ambiguous grief is a hard type of grief to open up about because we know others may not acknowledge it.
So the million dollar question is ... What do we do when we are grieving someone who is still alive?
Neural pathways are the key to Neuro-plasticity of the brain. Clinical Hypnotherapy and the shift which naturally occurs during a hypnotherapy session of these neural pathways are the seemingly magic behind 'hypnotherapy'.
In our daily lives we each run old, tried and true familiar neural pathways. These pathways are the definitions of our beliefs, ways of life, customs, feelings and the very way in which we engage in the world around us. When we want to make a change in our life though, we find it is often extremely hard to switch neural pathways to lanes which are more healthy, & efficient naturally. Old outdated pathways that are no longer useful to you due to the many times a day, week, month or year that you unintentionally run that pathway of knowing and experience. These can be extremely difficult to shut down and disconnect. With Clinical Hypnotherapy you are swiftly assisted in moving you onto the desired neural pathway in which you choose to be the better one that can serve you.
Clinical Hypnotherapy is not mind control it is a tool to assist the mind. It is a wonderful therapeutic tool to transform your problem into your solution. It is neuroscience and a belief, it is not a blind faith.
We go to our doctors for education and for a potential correction of the body when something doesn't feel or look right. How does your doctor fix your problem? Is it possible that it is through teaching new ways and administration of medicines which stimulates your body through neural pathways and receptors into healing? Clinical hypnosis uses this same principles of education, 'new ways & new possibilities' combined with science in training the mind to accept the new preferred neural pathways, while gently and naturally closing down old pathways. It is important to note however the mind will reject the new pathway if it really does not want it. You have full control at all times. This is why I will not work with anyone who doesn't truly want to make changes in their life. Within a clinical hypnotherapy session you are in the drivers seat at all times.
For more information on Neuro-Plasticity and how dynamic your own brain is; please check out the book above. Dr. Norman Doidge is a leader in the field of Neuro-Plasticity and while the field is expanding continually his book, "The Brain that Changes Itself" should be on every clinicians bookshelf.
Why Do We Seek The Approval Of Others? Why Is It Intrinsically Necessary For Us To Be Accepted By Others And When We Aren’t What Is It That Compels Us To Continue Moving Forward One Step At A Time?
The Human Spirit Appears To Have Many Weaknesses; Among It’s Divine Gifts. Perhaps The Weakness Of Not Being Fully Present In A Moment Is The Root Of Our Weakness. I Have Experienced The Backlash From Many People And Time And Time Again Their Complaints Stem From Either The Past Or Even Future Fears. When We Live In The Present We Are Fully And 100% Aware Of Not Just Others But Ourselves. It Is Being In This Present Place That Has Enabled Me To See How Much Of Our Lives As Human Beings We Spend In The Past Or Present.
How Many Small Smiles, Passing Moments Of Love Or Appreciation Have We Missed Due To Our Inability To Stay In A Present Moment. As A Mother This Is Strikingly Obvious. Our Children Grow And Change Each Day And Yet There Again... How Many Small Moments Of Soulful Sharing With Our Children Did We Miss Out On?
Life Is Meant To Be Lived And Loved. Not Survived. As A Society We Are Spending Too Much Time Surviving. Too Much Time Earning, Buying And Wasting ... Time And Resources. The Joy And Wonder That Surrounds Us Is Seen, Felt And Heard ...In The Sound Of A Childs Voice, The Touch of Their Small Hand Held In Yours, In The Feel Of Your Partner’s Breath Upon Your Skin As You Lay In Bed Each Night Or Even In The Magical Silence Of A Soft Snow Falling Day.
These Are The Little Things We Take For Granted And Simply Don’t See, Feel Or Hear Anymore. These Are The Simple Things That Keep And Feed Our Very Soul. The Job, The Material Goods And All The Like Are Nothing More Than Energetic Drains That Slowly Consume Our Soul’s Essence. Take The Time Today to Be In The Moment Not Just For You But For Those You Share The Moment With. <3
Do you actively embrace the truth of who you are? I realized that this year I must work more actively to be mindful in embracing my truth.....Well, what does that mean exactly? Great question!
It is actively embracing and honoring the realities of life. I have the honor of seeing & experiencing so many people who are hurting behind the 'scenes' we create. The sad truth is (especially in "Facebook Land"") everything appears to be hearts, roses, & wine.
It is very rare to see anyone speak 'truth'. We are beginning to see a resurgence with this honesty unfortunately due to our sad political climate.
Our technology is wonderful but, it has some serious flaws. People can be literally 'anyone' they want ... with no basis in realty online. I am seeing many individuals, friends, family and sadly many children now; who are struggling because of this.
During my meditation; I recalled my conversation with my 93 year old Grandmother earlier that day who said,
"There comes a time in ones life when we have no choice other than to speak the truth. And my dear, at 93 I have long ago reached that point."
When I looked at this statement it dawned on me ... I intrinsically have always been open and unafraid to say my truth. However, in my case it was just slowly beaten out of me after 16 years of abuse by my ex-husband. I decided after a very inspiring conversation with my Grandma that I cannot abide this within myself anymore.
So....moving forward, I will be sharing truths and in between- I will be reminding myself it is none of my business what other's think about my truths. In general, I have noticed that when people are going through hardships they either don't say anything or if they do they don't receive the support they perhaps could. I would like to see that change.
I see it as a normalization of 'life'. (watching my own Mother slowly fade away has made me feel how people shy away from death and don't want to acknowledge it.) I have spoken to my Mom's friends who see and visit with her and say, "Oh she looks great and she is doing so well." Then I get to see videos of her and talk to her myself and "see" how she is 'truly' doing. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news...Death is a part of life. It sucks........but.....it happens to us all.
I also found this place after spending time in various chat groups with other Neuro-diverse parents and parents of children with different struggles. It then dawned on me how the preponderance of the time we never hear about these struggles. Time and time again when asked why they never reach(ed) out the answer is chronically they didn't get the support. As my own Neuro-diverse 5 year old says, "Life Happens." and it happens to us all. We can either mask it and put a shine on it.....or maybe if we are brave & vulnerable enough perhaps..... We could process our truths, move forward with truth and into not just our own healing - but healing for our society and world.
As I watch the Alaska Mat-Valley community grieve the tragic loss of a young life; I believe it is time we all honor the sacredness of grief and grow in love together as a community. I'd challenge us all to come together and not become so hardened, angry and callus we lose our own humanity. A wonderful a gift to give one another. The growth of our own humanity, Humanity and compassion for one another and the mindfulness of ourselves and our community.
Jodi Moses, LCHT
Washington State Licensed Clinical Hypnotherapist
& Youth Advocate Life Coach
Proudly serving the Greater Pacific Northwest Region.
(Please email me or call to find out when I will be in your area.)
Neurodiversity & Autism Inclusion
Copyright- Healing Lives From Within